No Color Codes

I feel like I can breathe.

I'm always breathing of course, but you know that feeling of things just getting easier to handle and being able to see life from a less-stressed camera?

Me too.

I can honestly say that I have had a magnificent day.  It's not color coded with AP tests, week long sleep deprivation  parties with myself, not being able to open up to anyone, or crazy doubts.  Or those days where people ask "How are you?"  and you just say..."I'm well" ( or "good" if you're on one of those ugly ungrammatical days) because you feel like there is so much to explain, but you don't want to dampen someone's good day by being in a not as good mood.

Things are s l o w i n g down and I quite like it.  I was able to enjoy things today I haven't been able to do for such a long time!  I had time to enjoy an evening with my family totally focused on them without homework in the back of my head.  I ran and ran because I haven't done it in so long.  I ate salsa after school.  I went to an extra taekwondo class.  I read and was able to enjoy it and not feel pained by being a slow reader and not enjoying it as much as I liked.  I talked with my friends at school.  I talked to a friend about...well we talk about everything pretty much.

I'm coming back to me.  Balanced, happy, open, confident, unstressed me.  I literally feel like an entirely new person.

I feel like I have a lot to talk about right now.  I do.  My mind is so loud.

School is three weeks away from being over.  I am so excited to have a summer break, but honestly I am torn too.  Some of my best friends are seniors who are leaving on honorable missions of my church and others are leaving to college.  I want to soak in all I can from them.  I knows it's silly, but I'm worried about who I can find a close friend in.  9th grade was so hard for me when all my older friends left and the drama started.  

But I know I am never alone.  I have a Savior who understands me perfectly. I would just love to not be quietly lonely.  I want someone I can have deep, comfortable conversations with and feel close to and trust.  I'm sure I'll do fine...it's just going to be a challenge at first.  All I can do is my best, be me, and be brave.

There is a peace I feel in my heart that is becoming a part of my life.  The closer I come to Christ, the more I find myself.  The beauty of this world is magnified to such an indescribable level that I hope other people can see it.  I can find those quiet moments and find comfort.  I feel I can separate myself from everything going on, and pour my heart  to Him who will always be there to listen and understand.  

This is a time to love one another.  Be kind.  Hurting people does no good for anyone and that includes you.  Love is the very essence of why we are here.  

Breathing...is splendid.